Ask Away: Anal Edition

Ask Away is the Merivale special feature where we answer some common questions we've been asked in store. To kick it off, here's some questions and answers about anal play.
Be careful and do your own research before starting any sort of play. We try to be as informed as possible, but there is a lot of conflicting or outdated information out there about sex safety, so it's best to check for yourself as well as asking around. Additionally, sex is such a personal experience that what makes sense to one person may not work the same for someone else, especially if you have medical conditions to consider.
With that addressed, let's move on to the questions!

Answered after the break:

• Why would anyone want to have anal sex?
• Is anal play safe?
• I'm curious about anal play; where should I start?
• I'd like to buy a toy for anal play; what should I look for?
• How do I convince my partner to try anal sex?

Why would anyone want to have anal sex?

Because it can be really enjoyable! Although anal sex is becoming increasingly well-known and accepted, it is still often considered something of a taboo. The rectum, however, is demonstrably host to erotic zones in people of any gender as it is full of nerve endings. For the giving partner, anal sex offers the benefit of a different sensation including increased tightness. Anal stimulation is also known for massaging the prostate.

Some people also use anal sex in conjunction with BDSM or humiliation play due to its perception as a taboo and/or rough type of sex.

Is anal play safe?

Like all sexual practices, anal sex has risks which can be addressed and minimized in order to increase your safety. The main considerations are these:

• Anal sex has a higher risk of infection and STI transmission. This is primarily because inadequate lubrication can lead to microtears in the rectum and because there is a high number of infectious microorganisms found in the rectum that are not found elsewhere on the body.
• Anal sex requires more preparation than other forms of sex. This is because the sphincters need to relax and additional lubrication needs to be added in order to enable comfortable and pleasant anal sex to occur. Impatience and stress will impede anal sex and increase the risk of damage, both physically and emotionally.
• Any toys, digits, or penises that have been used for anal sex should be cleaned thoroughly prior to being used for other kinds of sex.

I'm curious about anal play; where should I start?

Start by playing with your own ass using a good lube (ideally silicone or a thick water-based lube) and a medical glove (optional but preferable). Silicone is a great lubricant for anal play because it does not get absorbed by the skin like waterbased lube, which is critical for dealing with an area that does not self-lubricate. Start by massaging the entrance and slowly insert a finger or two at your own pace. This can be done while laying down in bed or in the shower or wherever else you'll be most comfortable. The point is to try take time to adjust to the sensation of the sphincters opening and closing.

Once you're comfortable with basic anal play, you can progress to using toys for anal play or even start having anal sex with a partner. As you progress with anal play, be sure to keep the following tips in mind:

• Go slowly with toys and with partners. Being relaxed and comfortable is critical for anal play.
• If you're using a silicone toy, use only water-based lube.Silicone toys and silicone lube can fuse to each other and damage the shape of your toy.
• See the section below for more tips on toy selection.

I'd like to buy a toy for anal play; what should I look for?

In addition to the usual concerns regarding toy selection - such as style, preference, and size - anal play requires the following considerations:

• Only use toys with bases or sturdy, lengthy cords that will remain external. Rectums and sphincters are very strong and actually have a tendency to pull materials in, so it's important to know that any toy you use can be removed safely and easily.
• You should always consider the material of your toys, but this is even more important with anal toys. Silicone is well known for being non-porous while having a bit of give to it as a material, but has the downside of not being able to be used with silicone lube. Glass, aluminum, and steel toys are the only toys that can be completely sterilized. For increased hygiene and ease of clean up, use a condom on your toys for play.
• Anal beads are particularly popular for the way they cause the sphincters to open and close around the beads. They also have the advantage of appearing less intimidating than larger toys. Be mindful of how far beads are inserted as some models are designed to actually have beads cut off as you get more comfortable with the size rather than inserting the full length of beads.
• Anal plugs should have a rounded, tapered tip for easy insertion, a long stem to give space for the sphincter to close onto comfortably, and a wide base. Plugs without a long stem run the risk of being expelled rather than remaining in place.
• Vibrating anal toys can be fun on their own or used for the sensation they add to other forms of intercourse or play.

How do I convince my partner to try anal sex?

Well, that depends:

• If your partner is curious but apprehensive: The best approach is to express your interest and to ask about their concerns. Try to address those concerns and to be patient as they work through them. The main thing is patience, support, and open communication. Like all consent requests, be comfortable with your partner saying "no" or "not now".
• If your partner does not want to try anal sex: Tough luck. Respect your partner and their decision. This is true in all cases, but is especially important considering the additional health risks involved, the comfort required, and the taboo or "ick" factor associated with anal sex.